I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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