In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Everclear isn't food dammit
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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