My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
