We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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