I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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