Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
