i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
