I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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