If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
