tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
