I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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