Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
