we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
