So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
