forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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