last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
