It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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