I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
