jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
