Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
