just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
