I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
