lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
