I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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