I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
