I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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