He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
