hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
