Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
