just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
