She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
