no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am available for nakedness
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
