His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize