I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
