when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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