She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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