I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
