maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
