If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
