the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
