I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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