I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
