my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
