I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
