just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize