i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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