i just wanna soil my oats bro
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
