Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
