well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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