I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
