my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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