I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
