I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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