They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
