I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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