If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
