this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize