I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
