so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
