I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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