He disabled his match.com account in front of me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
how drunk are you?
Several
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
