Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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