dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize