I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
