I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
