I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
