The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
