Im at strip club and am horny
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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