Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
