I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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