My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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