Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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