Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
