Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
