my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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