I can't watch pbs sober anymore
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
