WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
